January 19 2016

“I AM HIS MOTHER” Pg. 27

college

Eighteen

What makes a child of eighteen afraid of everything life has to offer. Is it that the world is such a big place. The thought of leaving the nest and making a life for themselves brings on anxiety.

Or maybe it was something so horrific.

DRUGS!

When they are experimenting with drugs. Parents have to be smart and open their minds to the possibility that their child is using them.

That is when it is time to act.

The fear of growing up has some teens, so afraid of how they are going to take care of themselves. After their graduation this child realizes that they can go to college, or not. What will they do? Depending on the situation at home. They might need some time to figure it out.

Some children do not know how to cope when they are away from family. They are so overwhelmed that they turn to drugs to escape. Getting high is their way of not facing the challenges of Growing Up and being an Adult.

We as parents have to realize when your child does not have any responsibility, other than to get good grades and be a team player it makes them less accountable in their life.

They have to learn that they must make good choices early on so that they can live on their own. And make smart decisions. They have to set goals and we have to encourage them. We have to make sure that they can be on their own. Live their lives and be able to take care of themselves.

The greatest fear we could imagine is that they are using a chemical substance and getting high.

There were many Red Flags that I was Blind to when, My Son started going to college.

He was getting High and taking Pills. My Husband and I were totally oblivious.

He seemed so agreeable and excited about going.

The first red flag that you must be accepting of is that their grades are lower than they were. Are the they managing time. Do they play video games when they come home from school rather than doing their home work. Always the need for Money.

The second red flag is when they are out for long periods of time and come home late. You are then worrying about where they are.

Are they sleeping till late in the afternoon?

When we question them, there is never an answer. The frustration is mind boggling.

How could he possibly have a conversation with us when he was high.

At this time I thought I knew my child. The trust and bond that I thought we had, was broken the day he started to take pills.

He could not face growing up, he was scared. This was something that I never thought of. I wonder why he could not tell me of his fears.

We had many discussions of what he would be doing after graduation.

His fears were never expressed to me or my Husband.

I wanted him to go to an upstate N.Y. college. At that time, we were shopping for schools. I thought that it would be best for him to get out of the town we were living in and go away. I guess I was so wrapped up in what I thought that he just agreed to make me happy!

Well that turned out to be a great mistake.

When he was away he called every weekend pleading that he wanted to come home.

So when it is time for your child to make that very big decision. About what they want to do after they graduate. Give them time to figure it out. Let them give you some of their thoughts on the matter.

Open conversation is key in knowing what your child wants to do with their lives. What their interests are. How they see the world is very different then how we see it.

I had such great expectations for all of my children. I have found that they all are doing great with the challenges and the celebrations that,

they have had to live through.

But most importantly it is your child’s decision on what is best for them.

And it is something that we have to agree with, because it is their life.

I have realized that it is best for me to be there to comfort them when they need it.

Celebrate their triumphs and reinforce my love for each one of them.