December 1 2015
“I AM HIS MOTHER” Pg. 25
My Son, like so many that are “recovering,” are making new lives for themselves. They are now feeling more in charge of their lives. What ever his or her choice is, must be respected. I think letting them do this without interfering is so important. It will put responsibility on their shoulders to follow the hard lessons that each one of them has been learning.
What ever choice they make is right for them. It is so hard as a parent to, “let go.“
But by letting go, you are giving them the chance to grow up!
As a parent, I chose the one thing that every child needs whether they are in recovery or not. Your unconditional love. Total acceptance is what they need to feel. It is an emotional bond for a parent to show their child that they are loved. By doing this you are telling them, I have excepted you and I will always love you.
This helps them to recover.
This is the foundation that all children need to grow. Knowing that their parents are giving them the approval, to get on with their lives.
The recovery process takes enormous strides for them to walk. They do not come out of the rehabilitation facility, and begin their lives where they were. Before they entered the darkness of addiction. They have to re-enter their life. First acknowledging the fact that, they have survived the darkness of addiction.
Every day is a new experience for them. Functioning through out the day can be complicated or trouble-free. This is where responsibility comes into play. If they are coming back to your home to live, there are certain rules that have to be talked about.
Imagine yourself being lost for a period of time days, weeks, months or years! Walking into your home, the room that was once yours. When you were say, eighteen and now your twenty. Trying desperately to figure out what the hell happened? What did I do to my life? The emotions that you are feeling, must be unexplainable. Seeing the life that you left behind. Before the terrible mistake that you made. Separated you, from everyone in your families lives. They went on with life. You were not only out of touch with them, but they were desperately trying to help you anyway that they could. Mourning the time that you were not there. The flood of emotional feelings are incomprehensible. But because of their rehabilitation and what they have learned, this is their new beginning. They have a new foundation to lean on. They have learned that life is just beginning again. They have meetings that they must go to. These meetings help them to talk out there problems with people that have been there. What they need from you is to know that you are there for them. That they are once again trusted. With you at their side being excepting and loving their recovery process will make them stronger.
It will make you stronger also.
I have read so many stories of Mother’s saying, “that their child is not the same child as they new before.” That they have changed. Well as I see it, My Son has grown up so much since he has been in recovery. That this is who he has grown up to be. Because of the Drugs, time has been taken away from us. The growing process from adolescence to being a man. As a Mother, I was robbed of that time. But I feel that he has been through such a traumatic event in his life.
And came out of it Alive.
I remember when I went to visit him in the Rehabilitation Facility, we were walking in a shaded area outside. It was really lovely, we were alone. He started to tell me how he was doing. Then he asked me, “Mom how are you? I hope you are alright!” I turned to him and I responded, “ I am so happy to meet you again, I have been missing you so!” Our conversation was like two friends that had not seen each other for a while and it made me happy that My Son.
Was concerned about me.
Mother’s look for your child in their eye’s, more than their actions. They are who they were, they have just grown up. They are desperately looking for your approval, even in the smallest way.
Think about what you are expecting from them, make a list and stick to it. Learning to live on their own is key.
Here they are learning how to be accountable for the choices that they make. When your child starts to look for a job. Have them research online, for companies that are hiring recovering addicts. It will be less stressful on them. Their chances of getting a job will be much better. And there are many companies that will hire them. Why you ask? Because many people that are recovering have started companies 0f their own.
Working out at a local fitness gym creates more focus on themselves and improves their health. While living at home give them reasonable responsibilities. Helping around the house with chores. They want to be needed.
It is a progression, that takes time. They are learning life, at their own pace. Following their program of the twelve steps everyday. Going to meetings. While walking a path of rediscovery. Maybe your child will want to start a business. At this point in their lives anything is possible.
Sky’s the limit!
“It Is Their New Awakening”