September 20 2015

I Am His Mother Pg. 2

wooden spoon

 

wooden spoon

“THE TALKING STICK”

My Husband &  I would try to keep in touch with our children’s lives. Trying to give them an opportunity to express their feelings to us, with more conversation. We needed more communication. We realized that diner time was the only time during the day that we all were together. We came up with a simple game called,

                                         “The Talking Stick”!

We would all sit around the table and put the stick in the middle. The rules were if you had the stick, you could say anything that was on your mind.  The stick would be passed around the table. If you had something to say, you would have control of the stick. This gave you the opportunity to say whatever was on your mind.

The rules:

1. No foul language

2. You could not say anything, that would be hurt-full to anyone.

This simple game allowed them to share their feelings, be comfortable in talking to one and other, and it gave us a clue, as to what was happening in their daily lives. Sometimes they were silly. Other times they shared various problems that they were having. Then all of us would discuss it. We were able to share with them also. This was something that brought us all together.

I realized that My Husband and I were the only people that were influencing our children’s lives. We were instilling our belief’s, our values and always tried to teach them that all of “OUR” decisions have consequences good or bad. Always, with love and honesty.

Whatever they learned from the day they were born until the age of five, had already shaped them and molding them into the person they would become.

When my children turned five years old, their lives as we and they had known, would change forever. Why, because when they leave. To get on the school bus in the morning they will face a new world. My son was not only learning his lessons from the teacher. He was learning lesson’s on life. Being friends. Having conversations. If he was going to play sports or sing in the choir. If he liked his teacher.  The freedom to make choices for himself!   I believe that is the first lesson my child learned.

                                     “ The first day of school.”

As a Parent, you try to inspire love and trust. Where your children know that you, are there for them, know matter what occurs in their lives. In some way you hope with all your heart. That your children will always be there for you, also. It is a hard road when you realize that, they are not.

                                  “They, fly by the seat of their lives”!

Leaving you behind to watch in happiness or sorrow. What they, choose to do for themselves. Who they have become. What there choices will be. For me it was like a separation, where there was once unity. Now, old enough to make decisions on their own. I had ,“No Say“! I felt that my job as a mother was just to be that, A Mother! My Guidance was not important anymore.”

Now, I sit back and hope that, the choices they make are good choices.

When I give opinions on any circumstance. That is going on, in my child’s life, it is so hard to see the look in their eyes. “the look that is saying, she doesn’t know what she is talking about”! “I wonder if I ever did that to my Mother!” I must have. I am so sorry for that. So I guess the lesson I have learned is, “they have to do it on their own”.

There is no saving them from any circumstance. Because they have to go through each of life’s experiences, on their own.

“This Mother, no longer was in control.” !