October 21 2015
“I AM HIS MOTHER” Pg.18
My Son was now in the Rehab Facility. I was starting to feel more relaxed. Less crying and more praying. I felt praying each day, would give My Son the strength he needed to recover.
Slowly the feeling of anxiety was leaving my body. I started to eat again. Where as before I could not eat. “I called it the Aggravation Diet!” I had lost a lot of weight. I regained my spirit and took better care of myself. Instead of staying up all night I made sure, that I was in bed at a normal time. So, dragging myself around all day was not a problem anymore. Eventually, happiness entered my soul. I was content again.
Life was no longer gloomy and I believe that my Children, saw a big change in me. I was getting my life back.
I was getting stronger.
I felt that, seeing me stronger allowed them to release a lot of anger that they hid, so well from me. They were finally telling me how they were struggling with issues that occurred. They were very sad and angry. They had great difficulty with there, Brother being so out of control! The trust that they had for him. Was totally gone. After that they could no longer feel anything but anxiousness. For him to recover…
Brothers and Sisters in a family live in a world of their own. It is created as they grow up. They always run to one and other, to tell each other what happened that day. They try to keep each other safe, if they are threatened in anyway. Each one always takes care of the other. “No, questions asked~!” I feel that all of, My Children experimented, with some kind of “Drug!” It was when, their younger brother went to far. And became sick that, his siblings were so scared of the extant of his problem. And how he hurt each one of them. That they were left in shock and disbelief. My Son, left this circle of kinship and was now on his own.
My Children are now left with a great void in their lives. Yes, they are so grateful that their, Brother is Alive and finally getting the help he needs. But, My Son eventually will have to make amends and work out his problems with each one of them.
As, they learned from My Husband and I, during this whole ordeal.
Their Baby Brother was very sick, with a “Disease”!
We spoke in great detail of how his rehabilitation was progressing.
Believe me when I tell you, “STIGMA”, Disgrace! Yes of course that is the feeling of the family. In my opinion,
“The Unwell do not feel anything, until they are, Transformed.”
Where they have the ability to understand. The trust that had been destroyed. All the pain that was inflicted on so many, and feelings were hurt.
And, the need for therapy so that they can look in the mirror at themselves.
With a feeling that they are a Good Person.
Only then could they possibly face the people they hurt.
When they are emotionally ready and have done their meetings. And the program. That is when they will even be ready to comprehend, all of the mistakes that they have made. “I think a lot of them, go through Detox, and begin to realize a lot of what they have done, and because they cannot handle it. The lying, stealing, and whatever else. They go back on drugs to, “Not Feel The Pain.” The pain that they see in their Parents Eyes. Or, whoever else has been there for them.”
When My Son. Left Rehab the first time I did not comprehend anything that he had gone through. Because I did not understand what “Heroin” was doing to him. Believe me when I tell you, the time I did understand was when I began to go to the meetings. Then the light went on in my head.
This Kid Is Sick…… He is in Poor Health!
The actual physical and mental challenges that they have to endure must be Excruciating!
When someone is under the influence of the “DEMON!
They have so much to work through, even after Detox has taken place.
That is why as his Parent I try to take it very easy on him. I do not ask to many questions. “I never throw anything in his face, that could make him think about the chaos that had been created, in all of our lives with this “Disease!” What ever happened. Meaning all of the terrible times. All of it. Is not even important to me anymore. I have buried it. I have done that.
Why should I ever bring that up to him, No!
I am so Happy and Thankful, That My Son IS
He is functioning in the Rehabilitation Facility. To Free Himself, His Soul and Body from a “FIEND”! By him taking on this great responsibility, I am receiving the apology, I am receiving all that I could possibly want. Just to be able to see him free. From a Mistake that as a young Child he made. A Child that did, Not know better!
Parents and families must come to grips with the fact, when they are on “DRUGS” they don’t give a Damn, about
you or anyone else. Because their changed.
When, they hit the wall!
That is the moment, the second something transforms within them. That is when they ask for help. I do not mean to simplify any of this. I just feel so strongly, that as a Parent. The emotional roller coaster that I was on. Was all within myself. My Son, at that time. Could care less about what, his family was going through.
When the time comes, if it should ever happen. My other Children, will have to deal with Their Brother, in their own way.
My Son, will be “STRONG ENOUGH” to deal with it!
This is not something that he could ever forget.
It lives with him every minute
Of Every Day!
G-d is giving him the, Strength to follow a path of Survival, Compassion and Love.
When I look at My Son, I now see a Man.
Humbled and Worthy that he is on the Right Road.
“The Road to Recovery”