October 19 2015


untie me

My Son, was in Rehab. My Husband would be with me for the next couple of days. So we made the most of it. Traveling around the neighborhood. Trying to get acclimated was something to be seen.

We both felt more relaxed and we were really having a good time.

Every morning we watched the news and they spoke of all the traffic on major roads and the turnpike. If people from, Florida had ever seen N.Y. traffic, this is nothing compared to what we were used to!

MY Husband sent out so many Resume’s. We both thought that with his experience. He would get a job right away. We learned very quickly, that know one really wanted to see you. All applications were now done on your computer. The questionnaires were very daunting. Once your resume is sent. Someone either reads it and emails you a response or it goes into the garbage. With what the pay scale is here in Florida, you have to work at least two jobs. In order to survive. I remember he, had sent a resume to, Publix. Their response to him was that he had great qualifications, for their store.

But they were sorry, he would have to start from the bottom and work his way up. Because they only hire from within. Well, he was very surprised. Because it took him more than thirty years, with his old company. To work his way up to Vice President, he accomplished that for five more years. That was how men worked.

My Husband dedicated his life to that job.

If he started working his way up, with Publix he would be Eighty something years old, by the time he qualified for the cooperate sector.

When you move, to another state make sure you check out all the avenues. We are to young to retire. Don’t get me wrong. There is know comparison, the weather is always beautiful. The cost of living is lower. Living in a, Condo is the best choice we made. Know longer, are we paying a high mortgage and taxes that are through the roof. Not to mention the up-keep. Of the four bedroom house that always needed fixing. So living here is quite nice. But you need to make a salary that will give you the ability to eat.

I do not know, how people do it?

Well the time went by so quickly. He had to go back to Long Island once again. My Husband had know chance of seeing Our Son, before he left. That made him sad. But they have their rules at the Rehab Facility and we had to be patient. I drove him to the airport. We kissed and then he was gone. Driving home alone, all I could think of was. “Please G-d don’t let My Son, call me from a corner somewhere! I could not undertake, that scenario once again.

When I got home it was so quiet. Here again alone. I looked so forward to calls from the other Children. To here about their daily lives gave me hope. Being away from them was horrible. But we had to do, this. There was know other choice.

I concentrated on working and waited patiently. Until I finally received a call from My Son. Saying that his therapist wanted to see me. So we made an appointment. He was going to be with me during this meeting. I was so happy, I also did not  know  what would be talked about. But, I really did not care. My Son, as far as I was concerned was doing exactly what he was supposed to do!

“Getting Better everyday”!

About two weeks had past since, we had dropped him off at the Rehab Facility. I was very anxious. I got together a few things I thought he would like. There were pictures that I found in a small box. Of My Son, when he was little and the other children were in the pictures, also. So I put them in a small album. I also put a letter that I wrote to him.

My Dearest Son,

There is an army behind you that is

standing tall and fighting with you!

We are your Family, Your Brother, Sisters,

Grandmother & Grandfather,

Aunts & Uncles.

Mother & Father

We all have a great faith, that you “Will” Succeed!

The love of G-D, your Family and the People

you are with, and Your Own, “ Self “!

Because we all Love You!

We know that you have the “Strength” to Fight for your life

and regain the person that is within you, and we are all right

there fighting, standing behind you and struggling  with you.

You Are My Indian Warrior, My Hero. My Son.



I put the letter in an envelope and kissed the paper. The imprint of my lips were on it. My realization, of baby steps. Taking steps slowly to regain my lost boy, to make him FEEL LOVE as the “DEMON” was making his slow exit from his Body and Soul!

Of course there was a big bag of cookies and candy. Toiletries and cologne. My need to give him anything to make him whole again.

When I arrived at the Facility, on time. There he stood, giving me the biggest smile and a hug. I melted, his face was pink, his eyes were beautiful. “What did you bring me Mom?” He was surprised. I held back tears. “Oh just some things you might need!”

His Therapist arrived and escorted me to his office. Walking down the long hall way with all of the doors. There were people walking, that hallway that I never met. My Son, introduced me to everyone.

We entered his office and he asked me to sit down. I sat and took a deep breath.

He started to tell me that My Son, has seen a Doctor, for a check up and that he is doing well. He had blood tests that came back normal. Meetings are daily and sometimes in groups. All of the clients are taken to Church, every week. As he spoke My Son was looking at me. I was thinking he was seeking my approval. So I responded,

“ I am so proud of him!”

After that I could see that he relaxed and sighed. Putting him at ease was my biggest concern. I was not there to judge.

These people are the experts. Whatever they said, was just fine with me!