October 12 2015
“I AM HIS MOTHER” Pg. 12
I had just woken up. I heard my phone ringing!
I was so happy to finally have a day off. I was feeling more relaxed since My Son, was in the Rehab Center. It was such a hard time for me. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Speaking with My Husband, as often as we could. His inability to be with me during this emergency. Was debilitating on him also. He was living at our house in Long Island. We had never been separated this long. It was really taking a toll on the both of us. Not having, My Husband with me and trying with all my heart to do the right thing, for Our Son.
The burden of learning all that, they taught at the meeting. And, having to go to work everyday with a smile on my face. As, I was trying to show the world that I was a happy person with not a care in the world. When in actuality, I felt so empty. I would go through my day, trying to hide what I was feeling. When the day ended and I was heading home, the tears welled up and I would cry. Arriving at the condo, I would lock the doors and go to bed, this was my only relief “Sleep”!
Actually seeing some of the people that went to school with My Son, here in Florida. At the meeting was a shock to me! They also had joined this disaster club. Having a loved one who was on the same adventure. With an un-known fate of survival.
I finally realized that maybe, My Son, had become the Demon. The very thought of that, is so hard to bare. There were five of his friends that were all doing it together. My Son, cared for each and everyone of them. They were Brother’s. Possibly he was buying the Drugs for all of them. Then, they in turn would give him back the money that the drugs cost.
I owe, Jim’s Mother a “Huge” Apology! For having, closed eyes and not seeing what was happening to our children. For this I am very sorry!
For being the Mother in denial. I was the Mother that could not and would not believe that,
My Son, was a Drug Addict!
There were so many families in calamity from my old neighborhood. This is not a subject that families talk to neighbors about. Parents are shocked to learn that their Baby, know matter how old. Has passed through a door, that will eventually bring the whole family to it’s knees. There are families that cannot take the anguish and end up scattering. Running away from the addicted, afraid and in denial. Because, the very thought of one of their “own”, choosing this path. Has such an impact of disgrace, that they themselves cannot handle it. Only from small conversations with My Son, did I learn that one of the five friends. Had come home from college, having to go to a hospital. He had over dosed on Heroin, and ended up with, Brain Damage. A beautiful boy, who went to a prominent college, on a football scholarship. With all the hope and love, from his parents. They are now left, to care for a, “Man-Son”, that cannot cope with the world he is living in.
I had met one of My Son’s friends, in a CVS, one morning. Giving him a hug, I recalled not seeing him. For quite a while. His mother and I used to work together. I asked him, “How have you been? He responded, That he was doing well. He asked about My Son. Then he told me that he had been in a Rehab Center. “Please tell Your Son, that he needs to go there also!” I said, Please tell your Mom I said hello. I then said, “Good Bye”!
The process of Addiction is slowly, Creeping into the “addicted victim’s body, with such a force. The need for the “Drugs”, changes their rational conduct, into unreasonable actions. Burdening anyone that is in their way. Their goal, is to obtain the next desire. With no thought of how they will hurt anyone in their quest. The hunger for “Heroin”, does not let them care!
Families are shaken, ashamed, bewildered and then panic sets in. As, a Mother I wanted him to stop. Right then and there. But sadly that was not going to happen.
My realization, that My Son had a severe, depilating disease. One that is excruciatingly painful to rid his body of. I had to build the courage to face the facts and go on. I tried to think positive thoughts.
“ This was my, Mantra”………. He will recover now that he is in a, Rehab Facility. He is a strong person. He can fight this.
“Thank You G-d!”
When I answered the phone I heard My Son’s voice…….
Pleading, “Please Mom, Please come pick me up!”