October 28 2015

“PARENTS” XI

teens

5 Mistakes Parents Make With Teens and Tweens

Here are the top mistakes parents make with their teens and tweens, and how to avoid them.

Your child isn’t a little kid anymore. They’re a teen, or a tween — and it’s time to tweak your parenting skills to keep up with them.

Yes, they’re probably moodier now than when they were young. And you have new things to think about, like curfews, dating, new drivers, and friends who make you raise your eyebrows.

No doubt about it: Your teen, or tween, will test your limits, and your patience. But they’re still your child. And, though they won’t admit it, they still need you!

The key is knowing what efforts are worth it, and which ones backfire.

1. Expecting the Worst

Teenagers get a bad rap, says Richard Lerner, PhD, director of the Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development at Tufts University. Many parents approach raising teenagers as an ordeal, believing they can only watch helplessly as their lovable children transform into unpredictable monsters.

But that sets you — and your teen — up for several unhappy, unsatisfying years together.

“The message we give teenagers is that they’re only ‘good’ if they’re not doing ‘bad’ things, such as doing drugs, hanging around with the wrong crowd, or having sex,” Lerner says.

It could become a self-fulfilling prophecy: Negative expectations can actually promote the behavior you fear most. A Wake Forest University study showed that tee ns whose parents expected them to get involved in risky behaviors reported higher levels of these behaviors one year later.

Lerner’s advise: Focus on your child’s interests and hobbies, even if you don’t understand them. You could open a new path of communication, reconnect with the child you love, and learn something new.

2. Reading Too Many Parenting Books

Rather than trusting their instincts, many parents turn to outside experts for advice on how to raise teens. “Parents can tie themselves into knots trying to follow the advice they read in books,” says Robert Evans, EdD, author of Family Matters: How Schools Can Cope with the Crisis in Child Rearing.

It’s not that parenting books are bad.

“Books become a problem when parents use them to replace their own innate skills,” Evans says. “If the recommendations and their personal style don’t fit, parents wind up more anxious and less confident with their own children.”

Use books to get perspective on confusing behavior — and then put the book down and trust that you’ve learned what you need to learn. Get clear about what matters most to you and your family.

3. Sweating the Small Stuff

Maybe you don’t like your tween daughter’s haircut or choice of clothes. Or perhaps she didn’t get the part in the play you know she deserves.

But before you step in, look at the big picture.

If it’s not putting your child at risk, give her the leeway to make age-appropriate decisions and learn from the consequences of her choices.

“A lot of parents don’t want growing up to involve any pain, disappointment, or failure,” Evans says. But protecting your child from the realities of life takes away valuable learning opportunities — before they’re out on their own.

Of course, you’ll still be there for guidance and comfort — you’re still the parent. But challenge yourself to step back and let your child know you’re there for them.

4. Ignoring the Big Stuff

If you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs, do not look the other way. Even if it’s “just” alcohol or marijuana — or even if it reminds you of your own youth — you must take action now, before it becomes a bigger problem.

“The years when kids are between 13 and 18 years old are an essential time for parents to stay involved,” Amelia M. Arria, PhD, tells WebMD. She is director of the University of Maryland’s Center on Young Adult Health and Development. Parents might consider teen drinking a rite of passage because they drank when they were that age. “But the stakes are higher now,” Arria says.

Watch for unexplained changes in your teen’s behavior, appearance, academic performance, and friends. And remember, it’s not just illicit drugs that are abused now — prescription drugs and even cough medicines and household products are also in the mix.

If you find empty cough medicine packaging in your child’s trash or backpack, if bottles of medicine go missing from your cabinet, or if you find unfamiliar pills, pipes, rolling papers, or matches, your child could be abusing drugs.

Take these signs seriously and get involved. Safeguard all the medicines you have: Know which products are in your home and how much medication is in each package or bottle

5. Too Much, or Too Little, Discipline

Some parents, sensing a loss of control over their teens’ behavior, crack down every time their child steps out of line. Others avoid all conflict for fear their teens will push them away.

You don’t have to do either of those things. It’s about finding a balance between obedience and freedom.

If you put too much emphasis on obedience, you may be able to make your teen or tween fall into line — but at what price? Teens raised in rigid environments miss out on the chance to develop problem-solving or leadership skills — because you’re making the decisions for them.

Yet too little discipline doesn’t help, either. Teens and tweens need clear structure and rules to live by as they start to explore the world outside.

As their parent, it’s up to you to set your family’s core values and communicate them through your words and actions. That’s being an authoritative parent, an approach that “helps children develop the skills they need to govern themselves in appropriate ways,” Lerner says.

Remember, your influence runs deeper than you may think. Most teens say they want to spend more time with their parents. Keep making time for your child throughout the tween and teen years. Even when it doesn’t show, you provide the solid ground they know they can always come home to.

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD on October 19, 2011

© 2010 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

By Joanne Barker

 

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October 23 2015

“RECOVERY FAMILY CIRCLE”

circle-of-friends

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
Robert F. Kennedy

Welcome to “Recovery Family Circle”

This is an open, Family Discussion Group, please join us and become enlightened.

Engaging in the forever changing world to teach Our Children how to cope!

This Group has been created to give all Parent’s the ability to discuss.

How we can make Our Children’s world a safe place to live in!

 We have the opportunity to make a difference in Our Children’s Lives

Our Parents, did the best that they could. They raised us in a different way.

 Because, the world has opened up in such a stimulating way.  It gives our children so much information about everything. But there is no information about, how to deal with, situations that might become out of control. Or situations that could harm them.

Each one of us are parents, we know our children. They need tools, to survive!

What can we do to help them as they grow?

What do you do, to ensure that your kids are safe?

What steps do you take when you find out that, He or She are in some kind of trouble?

Together we can give each other a hand, in raising our children to know the difference between right and wrong.

What are answers that we need, as parents, to protect our children from, Using Drugs?

What advice can you share?

There are dangerous doors, of opportunity for your child to walk through. Once they have entered that world. Eventually you find out. And when you do, you have the burden of making the situation right. The situation brings people into your families life. That sometimes creates a “snow ball effect!” Now you have many people. That you never met, offering  you options. Then you are left, alone trying to figure out how the situation should be handled.

“Let us together figure it out!”

Thank You,

Ricky

 

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October 23 2015

“PARENTS” X

teenagers green

10 Parenting Tips for Raising Teenagers

How do you breach the barriers of adolescence?

Your chatterbox son now answers your questions with a sullen “yes” or “no.” Your charming daughter won’t go to the store with you at all anymore. They must be teenagers. Don’t despair. It’s natural — and important — for kids to break away from their parents at this age. This emotional separation allows them to become well-adjusted adults.

Yet these must be among the most difficult years for any parent. To help with parenting tips, WebMD turned to three national experts:

10 Parenting Tips

1. Give kids some leeway. Giving teens a chance to establish their own identity, giving them more independence, is essential to helping them establish their own place in the world. “But if it means he’s going out with a bad crowd, that’s another thing,” says Elkind.

2. Choose your battles wisely. “Doing themselves harm or doing something that could be permanent (like a tattoo), those things matter,” says Kaslow. “Purple hair, a messy room — those don’t matter.” Don’t nitpick.

3. Invite their friends for dinner. It helps to meet kids you have questions about. “You’re not flat-out rejecting them, you’re at least making an overture. When kids see them, see how their friends act with their parents, they can get a better sense of those friends,” Elkind tells WebMD. “It’s the old adage, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. If you flatly say, you can’t go out with those kids, it often can backfire — it just increases the antagonism.”

4. Decide rules and discipline in advance. “If it’s a two-parent family, it’s important for parents to have their own discussion, so they can come to some kind of agreement, so parents are on the same page,” says Bobrow. Whether you ban them from driving for a week or a month, whether you ground them for a week, cut back on their allowance or Internet use — whatever — set it in advance. If the kid says it isn’t fair, then you have to agree on what is fair punishment. Then, follow through with the consequences.

5. Discuss ‘checking in.’ “Give teens age-appropriate autonomy, especially if they behave appropriately,” says Kaslow. “But you need to know where they are. That’s part of responsible parenting. If it feels necessary, require them to call you during the evening, to check in. But that depends on the teen, how responsible they have been.”

6. Talk to teens about risks. Whether it’s drugs, driving, or premarital sex, your kids need to know the worst that could happen.

7. Give teens a game plan. Tell them: “If the only option is getting into a car with a drunk driver, call me — I don’t care if it’s 3 in the morning,” says Bodrow. Or make sure they have cab fare. “Help them figure out how to handle a potentially unsafe situation, yet save face,” she suggests. “Brainstorm with them. Come up with a solution that feels comfortable for that child.”

8. Keep the door open. Don’t interrogate, but act interested. Share a few tidbits about your own day; ask about theirs. How was the concert? How was the date? How was your day? Another good line: “You may not feel like talking about what happened right now. I know what that’s like. But if you feel like talking about it later, you come to me,” Elkind suggests.

9. Let kids feel guilty. “I think too much is made about self-esteem,” says Elkind. “Feeling good about yourself is healthy. But people should feel bad if they have hurt someone or done something wrong. Kids need to feel bad sometimes. Guilt is a healthy emotion. When kids have done something wrong, we hope they feel bad, we hope they feel guilty.”

10. Be a role model. Your actions — even more than your words — are critical in helping teens adopt good moral and ethical standards, says Elkind. If they have a good role model from early on, they will be less likely to make bad decisions in their rebellious teen years.

David Elkind, PhD, author of All Grown Up and No Place to Go and a professor of child development at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston.

Amy Bobrow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and professor in the Child Study Center at New York University School of Medicine in Manhattan.

Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University.

teen times

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October 22 2015

“PARENTS” IX

hope

 

Preventing Teen Suicide

Many young people face high levels of stress and confusion, along with family problems. When you throw in raging hormones, it sometimes seems more than a teen can handle. Perhaps it’s not surprising that teen suicide is increasingly common.

In fact, suicide is the third leading cause of death among people between ages 15 and 24, with about 5,000 lives lost each year. Males comprise 84% of all suicides.

However, attempted suicides greatly outnumber suicides. Because males often choose more violent methods in their attempts, they are often more successful. But females may attempt suicide more often than males.

In 2012, suicides among teens between ages 15 and 24 accounted for 10.9% of all suicides in the U.S.

If you have ever seriously contemplated suicide — meaning doing some serious planning, not just feeling very down — it’s important to take this very seriously. Contact a trusted adult or a mental health professional immediately.

It’s also important to know the suicide risk factors, so you can help yourself, a friend, or a family member if suicide ever becomes an issue.

What Are Teen Suicide Risk Factors?

Risk factors are habits or histories that put someone at greater likelihood of having a problem. Some of the risk factors for suicide may be inherited, such as a family history of suicide. Others, like physical illness, may also be out of your control. But if you can recognize the risk factors for suicide early and act to change the ones you can control, you may save your life — or that of a close friend or family member.

Read the suicide risk factors below and check the ones you can control. (For instance, you can talk to a mental health professional for ways to deal with lack of social support, feelings of hopelessness, or mood disorders like depression.)

It’s important to take these risk factors for suicide very seriously:

Previous suicide attempt(s)

Psychological and mental disorders, especially depression and other mood disorders, schizophrenia, and social anxiety

Substance abuse and/or alcohol disorders

History of abuse or mistreatment

Family history of suicide

Feelings of hopelessness

Physical illness

Impulsive or aggressive tendencies

Financial or social loss

Relationship loss

Isolation or lack of social support

Easy access to methods/means of suicide

Exposure to others who have committed suicide

 

What Are Suicide Protective Factors?

Suicide protective factors are things that reduce the potential for suicidal behavior. They include:

Psychological and clinical care for physical, mental, and substance abuse disorders

Restricted or limited access to methods/means of suicide

Family and community support

Support from medical and health care personnel

Developing problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills

Religious and cultural belief systems that discourage suicide

 Is Depression Linked to Suicide?

If you want to prevent suicide, it’s important to understand depression. Depression is often used to describe general feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, and hopelessness. When teens feel sad or low, they often say they are depressed. While most of us feel sad or low sometimes, feelings of depression are longer lasting and often more serious.

A mental health professional (such as a psychologist or psychiatrist) diagnoses and treats depression. Depression is diagnosed when someone has at least five of the following symptoms:

Feeling down, depressed or sad most of the day; feeling irritable and angry

Loss of interest in daily activities

Significant weight loss or weight gain; a decrease or increase in appetite

Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much

Feeling very nervous and hyper; feeling sluggish

Fatigue or no energy

Feeling worthless or unnecessarily guilty

Difficulty concentrating and/or indecisiveness

Either recurrent thoughts of death without a specific plan or a suicide attempt, or a specific plan for committing suicide

If you feel a sense of hopelessness, talk to your parents or guardians. They can make you an appointment with a mental health professional for a diagnosis and proper treatment, possibly including medications and/or therapy.

Restrict Access to Suicide Methods

One key protective factor of suicide is to restrict access to the methods for committing it. It’s vital for friends and family members of someone who is at risk of suicide to understand the methods commonly used.

The most common method of successful suicide among young adults is firearms. If your parents, family members, or adult friends own guns, they should take careful measures — especially gun trigger locks and locked cabinets — to ensure that someone with risk factors for suicide cannot get to the weapon. Such safety precautions also prevent accidental misuse by children.

Other common methods of suicide are hanging, drowning, cutting arteries, overdosing on medications or illegal drugs, and carbon monoxide poisoning. Friends and family of someone with suicide risk factors should take all available steps to restrict that person’s access to things like knives, rope, pipes, and medication.

What Should I Do If Someone Threatens Suicide?

Take any suicidal thought or suicide threat seriously. Even if the person seems to have the “perfect life” on the outside, it is impossible to know what is going on behind closed doors.

Teens contemplating suicide should seek immediate help from friends, family, and health care or mental health care professionals. Anyone confronted with a teen threatening suicide should contact mental health care professionals at once.

Even if you have doubts about the seriousness of a suicidal threat, you should still consider it an emergency and take appropriate action.

Help for Teens Considering Suicide

There are many resources available to teens who are thinking about suicide. Close friends, family members, teachers, and other members of the community can provide comfort and moral support.

If you’re feeling suicidal or know someone who is, don’t be afraid to approach these people to express your feelings. They can help save your life — or the life of your friend or family member. Religious groups and community organizations are also a valuable resource. In addition, there are many suicide hotlines that provide anonymous assistance.

depression-symptoms

 

 

  

One of them is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK FREE (8255).
WebMD Medical Reference
Reviewed by Roy Benaroch, MD on January 13, 2015
© 2015 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

 

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October 20 2015

“PARENTS” VIII

teen lying hands

When Teens Lie About Drugs: A Guide for Parents

If Tom Hedrick could change one thing about teen drug use, he would reduce the time it takes between a parent’s first hunch that something is wrong and the child getting treatment. The fact that teens lie about drugs, and parents believe them, delays treatment, says Hedrick, a founding member of The Partnership for a Drug-Free America.

Brian and Julie Unwin have heard a lot of lies, both from their son and through other parents in their support group. A few examples:

“Other people were smoking marijuana. I must have inhaled some by accident.”

“My friend had a cold, so I gave him our bottle of cough medicine.”

“I was the only one at the party who wasn’t drinking, but they arrested all of us.”

“I ate a poppy seed muffin. That must be why the drug test came back positive.”

The Unwins’ teenage son lied and manipulated them for four years until he got sober. And they, like many parents, had a hard time accepting that reality. “When you raise a child, when you hold him in your arms as an infant, you want to believe him. No family wants to go through this,” says Brian.

This article explores the lies teens tell about drugs and what parents can do to get over their hurt and anger to keep their child safe.

Kids Lie, and Parents Believe Them

A group of researchers wanted to know how common it is for teens to lie about drugs. They asked 400 teenagers if they used cocaine, then took hair samples to test for traces of the drug. Even though they knew their answers were private, and that the drug test would prove them right or wrong, most teens who had cocaine in their systems denied using it. The hair samples revealed drug use 52 times more often than the teens admitted.

The fact that teens lie even when they know they’ll get caught doesn’t surprise Mason Turner, MD, chief of psychiatry at Kaiser Permanente San Francisco. “Most teens don’t think about what comes next,” he tells WebMD. “Concerns about the future don’t enter into their decision making.”

6 Tips for Parents of Teens

If your child is lying about using drugs or alcohol, looking the other way is a dangerous mistake. Study after study shows that parents’ involvement plays an important role in preventing adolescent drug use. And the earlier problem is addressed, the better your chances of containing potential damage. Here are six things you can do.

1. Trust your instincts.

Turner sees many parents discount their concerns about their child’s behavior. They say things like, “I’m probably just being an obsessive parent.” Or “Maybe I’m being hypersensitive.” But parents know their children. “If a parent’s gut is telling them something is off, there has got to be a reason,” Turner tells WebMD.

If the cold or cough syrup in your medicine cabinet disappears or gets used up, ask about it. Over-the-counter cough medicines contain dextromethorphan, an ingredient teens can drink in excess to get high.

Cagey behavior may have a simple explanation or a serious cause. Perhaps your child is stressed over schoolwork. Maybe she had a fight with a friend. Or she could have a problem she’s afraid to talk about. Turner counsels parents to make it as easy as possible for their teens to talk to them. Start by asking what is going on. Talk about specific things you see and concerns you have, and then be ready to listen.

2. Educate yourself.

Julie Unwin saw her middle-school son become increasingly sullen and withdrawn. “In my gut I believed something was wrong,” she says. “But I thought, if he was using drugs I would see a physical sign.” The Unwins’ son didn’t come home slurring or with bloodshot eyes because he wasn’t using alcohol or marijuana, at least not at first. There might have been signs, but his parents didn’t know what to look for.

Drugs rise and fall in popularity over time. It’s possible you have never heard of your child’s drug of choice. With time and research you can get to know the different substances available to kids today. The web sites drugfree.org or drugabuse.gov have drug guides that describe commonly abused substances and their effects.

3. Don’t take it personally.

If you find out your child is lying about drugs, you may see red. You may feel hurt, angry, guilty, and betrayed. All of these emotions are understandable. And none of them will help you help your child.

“First, recognize that lying is a normal teen behavior,” advises Turner. He goes on to say that normal or not, parents can and should teach their kids that lying is unacceptable. Your conversation with your child could cover the following ground:

Explore the reasons your child lied

Understand what is going on

Let your child know that lying is not OK

Talk about how to be honest in the future

 

4. Get help.

A lot of parents try to keep their child’s drug use within the family, Hedrick tells WebMD. “The idea that addiction reflects badly on the family keeps a lot of kids out of treatment until the problem is too big to ignore.”

Like diabetes or a broken bone, treating drug abuse requires expertise most parents don’t have. If your child is using drugs, you’ll have your hands full, even with a professional involved. Start by talking to your family doctor or pediatrician. The counselor at your child’s school may be able to recommend specialists or treatment centers that can help both you and your child.

5. Leave room to rebuild trust.

When parents don’t trust their kids, problems like drug abuse can snowball. Strained parent-child relations typically cast a negative tone on any and all interactions. Families tend do fewer things together, leaving kids fewer opportunities to feel connected to their parents. “Parents need to build a safe space for the child, while also defining boundaries and limits,” says Turner.

Try not to let the lies you’ve been told overshadow every conversation you have with your child. “So many kids in our groups say, ‘I never get a chance to talk. My parents cut me off all the time,’” says Hedrick. Open, two-way conversations can reinforce your child’s awareness of your family values and make the idea of drugs less appealing

6. Expand your parenting style.

“A lot of parents are at one end of the spectrum or the other: overly permissive, or overly aggressive,” says Turner. Substance abuse requires a variety of parenting styles. Sometimes your child will need you to be warm and loving. Other times, you will have to enforce rules your child considers unfair.

Everyone interviewed for this article emphasized how important it is for parents to be their child’s parents, not their friends. There’s a significant difference.

Friends think it’s OK if another kid does drugs, puts himself in danger, and lies about it.

Parents love their children and are willing to set limits and boundaries to keep them safe, no matter much strife it causes in the household.

 

The Unwins often had to do the opposite of what they considered good parenting while their son was going through treatment. “Instead of protecting our child and taking care of his needs, we had to put the  responsibility on him. We couldn’t let our emotions take over and try to fix everything,” says Brian.

WebMD Feature
By Joanne Barker
Reviewed By Louise Chang, MD

 

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October 19 2015

“PARENTS” VII

bullying

Long-Term Effects Of Bullying: Pain Lasts Into Adulthood

(STUDY)

We have to teach our children (and ourselves) that caution is often a sign of courage. That often NO is as brave an answer as YES.    Glennon Melton

 

Kids don’t easily outgrow the pain of bullying, according to a new study that finds that people bullied as kids are less mentally healthy as adults.

The study is one of the first to establish long-term effects of childhood bullying, which is still often considered a typical part of growing up.

“To my surprise at least, there were some very strong long-term effects on their risk for depression, anxiety, suicidality, a whole host of outcomes that we know just wreak havoc on adult lives,” said study researcher William Copeland, a clinical psychologist at Duke University Medical Center.

How bullying hurts

Previous studies have found that both bullies and their victims are at higher risk for mental health problems and other struggles in childhood. One study, presented in 2010 at the Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association, found that bullies were at higher risk of substance abuse, depression, anxiety and hostility than non-bullies.

For bully victims, being targeted can result in increased suicide risk, depression, poor school performance and low self-esteem. But most studies on the effects of bullying focus on the childhood period.

“The question for our study is what happens long-term, down the road, after they’re no longer being bullied and after they’re no longer children,” Copeland told LiveScience. [10 Scientific Tips for Raising Happy Kids]

Copeland and his colleagues used data from a study begun 20 years ago, which queried 1,420 children and their parents about general mental health beginning ate age 9, 11 or 13. The kids were assessed annually until age 16, and then they came back for follow-ups at ages 19, 21 and 25.

Before age 16, participants were asked whether they had been bullied or bullied others, how frequently, and where any bullying occurred, among other questions.

Using this data, the researchers divided the kids into four groups: kids uninvolved in bullying; pure victims who were bullied but did not bully others; pure bullies who were never victimized themselves; and “bully/victims,” a group of kids who both bullied and were bullied.

Five percent of the kids, or 112, were bullies only, and 21.6 percent, or 335 kids, were pure victims. Another 4.5 percent were bully/victims. The rest were neither.

Long-term effects

The researchers then looked at the mental health outcomes of each group in young adulthood, controlling for childhood factors such as pre-existing mental health conditions, struggles with home life and childhood anxiety levels.

They found that any involvement in bullying boded poorly in adulthood. Pure bullies did not show problems with emotional functioning as adults, Copeland said, which is unsurprising given that they had all the power in their childhood relationships. But they did show increased risk of developing antisocial personality disorder. People with this disorder have little empathy and few scruples about manipulating others for their own gain. The disorder is linked with a greater risk of becoming a criminal. Most bullies did not go on to have the disorder, Copeland said, but they were more likely to develop it than other groups.

Pure victims, on the other hand, were at higher risk for depression, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia than kids uninvolved in bullying, the researchers found. Worst off were the bully/victims, who were at higher risk of every depressive and anxiety disorder in the book. [5 Ways to Foster Self-Compassion in Your Child]

For example, pure victims were four times as likely to develop an anxiety disorder in adulthood compared with kids who were uninvolved in bullying. Bully/victims had a five-times greater risk of depression than uninvolved kids, as well as 10 times the likelihood of suicidal thoughts or actions and 15 times the likelihood of developing a panic disorder.

“By far, being a bully and a victim meant having the worst long-term outcomes,” Copeland said.

Because they were able to take childhood mental health into account, the researchers are confident that the adult mental health struggles are an effect of the bullying, not pre-existing conditions that made them vulnerable to bullies in the first place.

While it’s not yet clear why bullying might have such a long-term effect, it’s possible that torment at school is not so dissimilar to maltreatment or abuse in the home, Copeland said. Kids spend a lot of time at school and surrounded by peers, he said, so it’s not surprising that troubles there could have long-lasting consequences.

“More and more, I’m coming to the mindset that what happens to kids when they’re with other kids, their peers, is as important, or maybe more important, than what happens at home,” he said.

The next step, Copeland said, is to investigate what makes some bullied kids more resilient and able to bounce back in adulthood than others. The researchers report their results online today (Feb. 20) in the journal JAMA Psychiatry.

By: Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer

 

 

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October 17 2015

“PARENTS” VI

teen-mom-talking

How Parents Must Handle Teenager Problems

Life is like a roller-coaster; it has many ups and downs, but it’s your choice to either scream or enjoy the ride. Isn’t it?

It constantly keeps throwing challenges at you, as a child, teenage, parents or adults no matter what phase of the life cycle you are in. You indeed have lot many problems to deal with. Similarly teenage problems are something you just cannot ignore. Honestly, no one has ever pretended that parenting is easy especially when your kids are in their teens. You can stay positive with the belief that your teenager will never answer you back, throw tantrums, stay out too late or have a pierced and tattooed body.

Teenage Phase

Teenage phase is a time of rapid change for kids both physically and cognitively. Teens face countless problems and challenges. They deal with lot of emotional highs and lows. One minute they might feel great, and the next moment, they are depressed. These kinds of mood swings are common teenage problems. Teenage is the time where parents need to lay a strong foundation in their kid’s life. This of course needs to be done patiently and skillfully. With a relatively civilized approach, you can troubleshoot the following teenage behavior problems in the right direction.

Teenage Problems and Solutions

1. Depression – Down Way of Life

Depression is the most common mental health problem faced by teenagers which may sometimes lead to suicide. Teenagers can’t differentiate sadness and depression. Many factors can lead to depression and the reaction of each teen is different to such things.

Symptoms of major depression in teenagers

Teenage sleep problems

Behavioral changes

Careless about physical safety

Disturbed mental health

Frequent health issues like headache

Preoccupation with death and suicide

Giving warning hints such as “I won’t be a problem for you much longer”

Prolonged sad or angry mood

Suddenly clearing out belongings and getting them in order

Becoming suddenly cheerful without reason after being depressed

Teenage pregnancy problems

 

These are the most teenage health problems symptoms you can observe in your child’s behavior. So, being a parent, what should you do? Well, find a good place to talk. Make your child comfortable with the surroundings and talk to him/her calmly and patiently. Try to identify your child’s problem and see what you can do to help him/her out.

2. Drinking, Smoking and Drugs

Teenagers find drinking alcohol, having drugs, smoking hookah or cigars very fashionable and trendy. It makes them feel very cool and proud and be part of the grown ups crowd. They suddenly feel that rush in them, all energized, wanting to explore anything and everything.

To deal with this problem effectively, first and foremost, try to find out the reason why your teen is drinking alcohol or getting into smoking and drugs. If parents consume alcohol on regular basis, then teen is more likely to start drinking at an early age. You must have heard an old famous quote which goes on like “Monkey See- Monkey Do”

Parents need to feel free to talk to their teens about certain subjects like dating, sex, drugs, and alcohol. It is this inability to discuss the good and bad points that drives them to take wrong steps out of curiosity.

Someone drinks with curiosity and some to get out of feeling of hell! Alcohol acts as a depressant and helps them to escape their troubled teen lives. When teens see their peers drinking or smoking, they too indulge in without thinking right or wrong. Peer pressure is probably the toughest challenge teens have to deal with. And the least a teenager would want is to be left out of his/her group of friends. When it comes to drugs, the most important thing as parents you can do is express plenty of love to your juniors to get them rid of this deadly addiction.

3. Cyber Space Addiction

It’s no secret that many teens are big fans of cyber space. They are always glued to their computers, laptops or cell phones. Internet is very useful, it makes things very easy but like everything has its pros and cons, so does internet.

You are surely known with the fact how one can become trapped and hooked to internet with all the attractive things its got to offer. So, one must be careful while using internet day and night and be rational. Parents must monitor what their children are doing with the smart devices and to what extent are they being exposed to the world outside. You must make sure to spend good amount of time your children to build that bond of love and trust so that they can freely communicate their thoughts, feelings and problems with you.

4.Your Teen Dislikes You

Children in their teens tend to reject their parents. They do not like communicating often or confiding in them. They are more comfortable in their friend’s company. It is common with every teenager.

You need to understand this is a temporary phase and children too know they still need their parents no matter how reluctantly they act and is it common to have teenage problems with parents.

5. Staying Out Too Late

It takes a toll on parents when their teenage kids stay out too late in the night. You surely must have set good limits for your children but then why do they break them again and again?

In this case, your child does not feel happy to stay at home. You must try to talk to your child calmly and find out what is the reason that is keeping him/her so late. Teenage girl problems are more common as they observe changes in their body suddenly. You must ensure to set proper rules for them. If they still continue to ignore you, it is time to set the consequences and ensure that they follow the said rules. for eg.. you can try like “no going out in evenings this whole week”, “no hanging out with friends for a week, if proper timing is not followed”

Along with the above, teenage attitude problems also include generation gap, parental exception, career judgment, socialization, peer pressure and sexual pressure. All these are likely to make them depressed and stressed. One and only best solution for these problems is your unconditional love and care. Be their best friend and guide them without being demanding. Trying to control them harshly or imposing things will only make situations worse for you as well as them.

info@inlifehealthcare.com

Akshata Agarwal

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October 14 2015

“PARENTS” V

giving advice 10 Things You Must Tell Your Teen

You want — and need — to give your teenager advice. So what exactly do they need to hear from you? Is there a better way than trying to yell advice in their direction as they’re getting out of the car?

Here’s what to say and, maybe more important, how to say it to get through to your teen.

1. Stop and think.

Teens are risk-takers, and that’s good. They can’t grow without trying new things and taking some risks. But they also act on impulse, and the two together can be trouble. Ask your teen to stop and think, says Melisa Holmes, MD, co-founder of Girlology and Guyology, educational programs about adolescent health.

“It takes a conscious effort for teens to learn how to put the brakes on their brain,” Holmes says. “The best place to practice is when using social media.”

If your teen is thinking about posting a photo or going into an online chat room, urge them to ask themselves: “Why do I want to do this? What risks may be involved? Is it worth it?”

They may not think of using social media as a risky behavior, but like other choices they make, it can have a lasting impact on them. By practicing in one arena, they’ll learn to pause to ask the same questions when weighing other choices.

2. Listen to your gut.

Why tell your teen this? Your gut remembers your true self and the guidance of teachers, coaches, parents, or youth leaders. That can help when you’re in a tricky situation or unchartered territory.

Let your teen know you have confidence in them to think for themselves and make solid choices. Tell them that learning to hear their “inner voice” takes practice, but it will guide them well (when you’re not there).

3. When you think “everyone is doing it,” check the facts.

Your teen may learn that everyone else isn’t doing it — whether “it” is drinking, having sex, or something else. Finding that out can relieve the peer pressure to do something he or she may not feel ready for.

Take sex as an example. Your teen may think everyone their age is sexually active, but in fact, less than half of U.S. high school students are.

“He may find out that his peers are not really doing it, but they’re letting people think they’re doing it while they figure out if it is OK,” says Holmes.

4. Decide now when it’s OK for you to have sex.

This may sound weird because you probably don’t want to think about your teen having sex, but thinking about it now can make a difference, experts say.

“Teens aren’t great at thinking on their feet,” Holmes says. When they work out ahead of time how they will turn down drugs, drinking, sex, or other challenges, they are much better at matching their actions with their values.

“Making a plan ahead of time can delay intercourse up to 18 months,” Holmes says.

But talking about it happening doesn’t mean you’re being totally lax or giving your teen a free pass. Be clear about what you expect. For example, you might say, “I want you to delay having sex until it can become part of a meaningful relationship.”

Also make sure your teen knows about STDs and how to prevent them, where to get condoms and birth control (including emergency contraception), how to use protection, and how to see a doctor even if he or she doesn’t want you to know that they are going, Holmes says.

If that feels as if you’re giving a mixed message, she suggests saying, “I want you to have this information because you will most likely need it yourself one day, but you also might use it to help a friend now.”

5. Practice how you will say “no.”

Even adults have trouble saying “no” sometimes. Rehearsing ahead of time cuts down on the stress of having to say no and thinking of how to do it. Point out that having a plan will give your teen more resolve and power in sticky situations, says Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a psychologist in Austin, Texas, and the author of Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence.

Most likely, your teen can come up with their own ways to say “no.” But when caught by surprise, Pickhardt says, a good standby is to say, “‘Not right now.’ In other words, ‘I’ll do what I like when I want to do it, not when somebody else wants me to.'” This response can also cut down on people asking “Why?”

6. Don’t take any drug or medicine casually.

Teens may think it’s safer to get high on prescription drugs like Adderall (used to treat ADHD) or nonprescription drugs such as cough medicines because they’re legal — unlike street drugs.

Many teens don’t know that you can overdose on nonprescription medications, because you can buy them at a pharmacy or the grocery store without a prescription. But they can be just as dangerous as street drugs when they are abused. Also, because medicines can be easy to get from home medicine cabinets, some kids share medicines with friends or sell them.

“Tell your teen that even prescription and over-the-counter drugs carry risks and side effects, and she doesn’t know what the side effects will be for her because they’re different for everyone,” Pickhardt says.

Abusing stimulants like some ADHD drugs can cause seizures or heart failure. Let your teen know that their body and brain are too precious to take the risk.

7. Drinking can warp your brain.

Explain that 21 isn’t just a random number. The reason the legal drinking age is 21 is because alcohol can cause long-term changes in your teen’s brain while it’s still developing.

Teens who drink are also more likely to have unprotected sex and be assaulted or assault others sexually, get in car accidents and fights, and take dangerous dares.

8. Find your passion.

Urge your teen to become an expert in something they love. This will help satisfy their longing for excitement.

“He’ll learn that he can get thrills from things like performing, being recognized, pushing the boundaries, and being creative — not just from sex, drugs, or other risky behavior,” Holmes says. Follow this up by making opportunities for him to try new things, Pickhardt says.

9. People mess up. Learn from your mistakes.

It may seem obvious, but teens need to be reassured that everyone makes mistakes and that they can use theirs as learning opportunities.

For example, Holmes says, a girl who regrets having had sex may think that since she has done it once, “What does it matter anymore? It’s too late to change.”

But she can set new limits to avoid making whatever she feels is a mistake twice. Tell your teen that learning from their mistakes will make them wiser.

10. I love you.

It’s not really a piece of advice, but it is one of the most important things you can tell your teen. Remind them often that you respect them, want to help them succeed, and are here for them no matter what.

If you do, they’re more likely to listen when you give advice.

WebMD Feature

By Camille Peri

Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

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October 12 2015

“PARENTS” IIII

TEENAGERS DRINKING5 Teen Behavior Problems: A Troubleshooting Guide

Is your teenager rebelling, defying your curfew, or hanging out with questionable kids? Here’s how to nip behavior problems in the bud.

WebMD Feature

Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

To be fair, no one has ever pretended that parenting a teenager was going to be easy. Still, until your own kids reach that stage, it’s tempting to believe your family will be immune to teen behavior problems. No, you tell yourself, your teenager will never talk back, stay out too late or pierce her eyebrow.

Dream on.

Teenagers are basically hard-wired to butt heads with their parents, says Stuart Goldman, MD, director of psychiatric education at Children’s Hospital in Boston. “Adolescence is a time of rapid change for kids both physically and cognitively,” he explains. “It’s the task of the teenager to fire their parents and then re-hire them years later, but as consultants rather than managers.”

But that doesn’t mean you have to take it lying down. With the right approach, you can troubleshoot the following teen behavior problems in a relatively civilized fashion.

Teen Behavior Problem 1:

Your Teen Seems To Hate You

One minute your sweet child is begging you to come on the class trip or to lie down with her while she falls asleep. Then, seemingly overnight, she starts treating you like dirt, discounting everything you say and snickering at your suggestions. If you look closely, you’ll see that you’ve been through this before, when she was a toddler — only instead of shouting “no!” like a two-year-old would, a teenager simply rolls her eyes in disgust.

“It’s so hard for parents when this happens,” says Nadine Kaslow, PhD, a psychologist specializing in kids and families at Emory University in Atlanta. “But part of adolescence is about separating and individuating, and many kids need to reject their parents in order to find their own identities.” Teens focus on their friends more than on their families, which is normal too.

Your Solution

Sometimes parents feel so hurt by their teens’ treatment that they respond by returning the rejection — which is a mistake. “Teenagers know that they still need their parents even if they can’t admit it,” says Goldman. “The roller-coaster they put you on is also the one they’re feeling internally.” As the parent, you need to stay calm and try to weather this teenage rebellion phase, which usually passes by the time a child is 16 or 17.

But no one’s saying your teen should be allowed to be truly nasty or to curse at you; when this happens, you have to enforce basic behavior standards. One solution is the good, old-fashioned approach of: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” By letting your teenager know that you’re here for him no matter what, you make it more likely that he’ll let down his guard and confide in you once in a while, which is a rare treat.

Teen Behavior Problem 2:

Communication Devices Rule Their Lives

It’s ironic that teenage forms of communication like instant messaging, texting, and talking on cell phones make them less communicative, at least with the people they live with. In today’s world, though, forbidding all use of electronic devices is not only unrealistic, but unkind. “Being networked with their friends is critical to most teens,” says Goldman.

Your Solution

Look at the big picture, advises Susan Bartell, PhD, an adolescent psychologist in New York. If your child is functioning well in school, doing his chores at home and not completely retreating from family life, it’s probably best to “lay off.” It’s also OK to set reasonable limits, such as no “texting” or cell phone calls during dinner. Some parents prefer not to let teens have computers in their rooms, since it makes it harder to supervise computer usage, and this is perfectly reasonable. Many experts also suggest establishing a rule that the computer has to be off at least one hour before bedtime, as a way to ensure that teens get more sleep.

One good way to limit how many minutes your teen spends talking on his cell and texting: Require him to pay his own cell phone bills. And do your best to monitor what your child does when he’s online, particularly if he or she is using networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. You still own the home and computer — so check into parental Internet controls and software to monitor use of any questionable web sites.

Teen Behavior Problem 3:

Staying Out Too Late

It’s 10:30 p.m. and you told your daughter to be home by 10 p.m. Why does she ignore your curfew again and again?

“Part of what teens do is test limits,” explains Goldman. “But the fact is that they actually want limits, so parents need to keep setting them.”

Your Solution

Do some research before insisting that your child respect your curfew because it’s possible that yours is unreasonable. Call a few of your kids’ friends’ parents and find out when they expect their kids home. Goldman suggests giving kids a 10-minute grace period, and if they defy that, to set consequences — such as no going out at night for a week.

If it seems like your child is staying out late because she’s up to no good, or doesn’t feel happy at home, then you need to talk with her and figure out what might be going on. However, if your curfew is in line with what’s typical in your teen’s crowd, then it’s time to set consequences and then enforce them if your teen continues to break your rules. When you make a rule, you have to mean it. You can’t bluff teenagers — they will always call you on it.

Teen Behavior Problem 4:

Hanging Out with Kids You Don’t Like

You wince every time your son traipses through the door with his greasy-haired, noisy buddies. Should you suck it up, or say something?

Your Solution

Kids can wear weird clothes, pierce their lips, act rudely and still be decent kids, says Bartell, who advises parents to hold off on criticizing something as superficial as fashion in their kids’ friends. “Teenagers are so attached to their friends that it’s like criticizing them directly.”

On the other hand, if you know that your child has taken up with a group of troubled teens who skip school and do drugs, a talk is in order. “Without putting him on the defensive, tell your child you’re concerned about who he’s hanging out with and that you’re worried he’s doing drugs,” says Bartell. While you can’t forbid your child to hang around with certain kids, you can intervene and try to nip dangerous behaviors in the bud. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help about hanging out with a crowd engaged in negative behavior. Counseling or family therapy can help.

Teen Behavior Problem 5:

Everything’s a Drama

Every little thing seems to set your daughter off lately, and the more you try to help, the more she sobs or shouts or slams the door.

Part of being a teenager is feeling things intensely, so what may seem like no big deal to you is hugely important to her.

Your Solution

Parents tend to trivialize the importance of things in teenagers’ lives, says Bartell: “What happens is that kids feel misunderstood, and eventually they will stop telling you anything. Right now it is the most important thing in the world that her best friend is flirting with her boyfriend, and you need to take it seriously.”

Don’t offer advice, disparage her friends or try to minimize it by saying that one day she’ll see how silly high school romances are. “Just listen and sympathize,” says Bartell. And put yourself in her position — because, after all, you were once there yourself.

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October 10 2015

“PARENTS” III

 

Teenage-Lingo-1Children have always had their own language. But the way they converse today is really strange to any Parent.

 Here are a few examples of what they are talking about:

teenage lingo

text lingoA field guide to text terms and abbreviations

To help you in your quest to decode your kids’ space-constrained text babble, we’ve compiled a list of popular terms and abbreviations. Don’t be surprised if you see variations when it comes to capitalization or style; it’s common for some kids to prefer all caps to lowercase or even changing capitalization, whether at the beginning or middle of a message.

These 92 terms are among the most popular, but know that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

  1. 143 I love you (popularized by no less awesome a source than Mister Rogers himself)
  2. 2DAY Today
  3. 4EAE For ever and ever
  4. ADN Any day now
  5. AFAIK As far as I know
  6. AFK Away from keyboard
  7. ATM At the moment
  8. B/C Because
  9. B4 Before
  10. BF / GF Boyfriend / Girlfriend
  11. BFN Bye for now
  12. BOL Be on later
  13. BRB Be right back
  14. BTW By the way
  15. DM Direct message
  16. DWBH Don’t worry, be happy
  17. F2F or FTF Face to face
  18. FB Facebook
  19. FF Follow Friday (Follow Friday is a recurring topic on Twitter. Each week, users post lists of people that they think others should followusing the #FF or #FollowFriday hashtag.)
  20. FTL For the loss / For the lose
  21. FTW For the win
  22. FWB Friends with benefits
  23. FWIW For what it’s worth
  24. FYEO For your eyes only
  25. FYI For your information
  26. GLHF Good luck, have fun
  27. GR8 Great
  28. HAK Hugs and kisses
  29. HAND Have a nice day
  30. HT or H/T Hat tip or heard through (usually referencing news or an informative link)
  31. HTH Hope this helps / Happy to help
  32. IANAL I am not a lawyer
  33. IDK I don’t know
  34. IIRC If I remember correctly
  35. IKR I know, right?
  36. ILY / ILU I love you
  37. IMHO In my honest opinion / In my humble opinion
  38. IMO In my opinion
  39. IRL In real life
  40. IU2U It’s up to you
  41. IYKWIM If you know what I mean
  42. J/K Just kidding
  43. J4F Just for fun
  44. JIC Just in case
  45. JSYK Just so you know
  46. K or KK Okay
  47. LMBO Laughing my butt off
  48. LMK Let me know
  49. LOL Laughing out loud
  50. MM Music Monday. Another recurring Twitter topic. In this case, users post a song or two that will get your week off to a better start.
  51. MSM Mainstream media
  52. NAGI Not a good idea
  53. NM Never mind
  54. NMU Not much, you?
  55. NP No problem or Now playing (as in “My MP3 stream is now playing LMFAO’s Party Rock.)
  56. NSFW Not safe for work. If this is attached to a link, you’re strongly advised not to check it out while in the workplace or any other venue where inappropriate content would be, well, inappropriate.
  57. NSFL Not safe for life. Usually a humorous disclaimer that something formerly innocent is going to be irreparably sullied if you click the link.
  58. NTS Note to self
  59. OH Overheard
  60. OMG Oh my God
  61. ORLY Oh, really?
  62. PAW Parents are watching
  63. PLS or PLZ Please
  64. PPL People
  65. PTB Please text back
  66. QQ Crying. Rather than an abbreviation, this is an emoticon, a picture created in text. The tails of the capital Q form tears, while the circles are the eyes. Saying “QQ” aloud also can mimic the “boo hoo” of someone who’s upset. Usually used sarcastically or contemptuously.
  67. RAK Random act of kindness
  68. RL Real life
  69. ROFL Rolling on the floor laughing
  70. RT Retweet. Similar to forwarding an email, Twitter lets you echo other people’s tweets for your own followers to read. In some cases, folks will ask for something they’ve said to be amplified by saying “Please RT” or “PLS RT.”
  71. RUOK Are you okay? In Australia, #RUOK is a regularly trending topic, following a government initiative called RUOK Day, which raises awareness of mental health issues on social networking sites.
  72. SMH Shaking my head
  73. SRSLY Seriously
  74. SSDD Same stuff, different day
  75. SWAK Sealed with a kiss
  76. SWYP So, what’s your problem?
  77. TIA Thanks in advance
  78. TIME Tears in my eyes
  79. TMB Tweet me back
  80. TMI Too much information
  81. TMRW Tomorrow
  82. TTYL Talk to you later
  83. TY or TU Thank you
  84. VSF Very sad face
  85. WB Welcome back
  86. WTH What the heck?
  87. WTPA Where the party at?
  88. WYCM Will you call me?
  89. YGM You’ve got mail (to alert your texting partner that you’ve contacted them via that staid old email thing. That’s sooo 2001!)
  90. YMMV Your mileage may vary
  91. YW You’re welcome
  92. ZOMG Oh my god (sarcastic)

This article was written by Jessica Citizen and originally appeared on Tecca.

I hope these lists will help you out!

 

 

 

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